Gags 4 U - The Joy of Nonsense

Sorry…There wasn’t any update since a long time as I was setting up Hookah Town.

I am sure you will be half angry half dead after reading these stupid and crazy jokes!

Q. WHEN LION ROARS LOUDLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN????
A. TOM & JERRY STARTS……
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Q. What did the priest say when the village got flooded?
A. God DAM it
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Q. Once Parrot stepped on Elephant n Elephant died..Why?
A. Because the parrot’s name was Elephant and the elephant’s name was Parrot!
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Q. In a pond there are 10 fish, one of them dies, and the water level of
the pond increases. How?
A. The other 9 fish are crying…
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A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”…
My Father grows beans,” said one student. “My father cooks beans,” said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans.”
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Hope you enjoyed … SORRY !!!

Liked it ??

Tim came home from the bar late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a
strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white
robe.

“Who the hell are you?” demanded Tim, “and what are you doing in my
bedroom? “. The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m
Yama”. Tim was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so
much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family?. you’ve got to
send me back straight away”.

Yama replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can
only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Tim was devastated, but knowing
there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a
hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking
around pecking the ground. “This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt
this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies Tim,
“but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.

“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never
laid an egg before”.

“Never” replies Tim

“Well just relax and let it happen”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was
overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best
thing that ever happened to him? ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting

“Tim, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting on the bed.”

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”